Q & A: How Do I Know if My Medically Fragile Child is Suicidal?

Q. “I have a medically fragile 11-year-old that has said in passing that he wants to die. In the past, it has been a fleeting comment, but lately, now that he appears to be more uncomfortable due to medical treatments, and the side effects of his medications, he constantly says he wants to die. Is my child suicidal?”

A. Oh man, this is hard and my heart goes out to you in this moment. You asked me if your child is suicidal. The truth is that I do not know. Without speaking to him directly, there is no way for me to personally assess his imminent risk of suicide. However, I will give you some guidance in the following steps:

1.      Ask your child if he truly wants to die or if it is the pain that makes him want to die.

2.      If your child says he wants to die, ask directly if he has a plan of how he would kill himself.

3.      If he says that he has a plan, unless you are a therapist yourself, seek immediate support from a skilled professional. In hospital settings, there are crisis teams and social workers that can immediately assess your son. Reach out to a nurse to find someone who can come help immediately.

4.      If you are at home, call the National Crisis Line at 988, or flip your insurance card over and call the emergency line that will connect you with a crisis therapist. These services are 24/7.

5.      If your child has an object in his hand and is actively making a suicide attempt, call 911 immediately.

6.      If your child says he wants to die, but does not have a plan, validate the emotion that he is communicating. The battle to stay alive as a medically fragile child is exhausting. Validate the fight, the energy it must take, the pain, the defeat. Validate every emotion that you can see.

7.      Once you validate, communicate to your child that you are there with him, he is not alone, and you will not leave him. These assurances can bolter him emotionally in the moment to carry him through the moments of wanting to die.

8.      Having an open discussion with your son about his statement is important to let him know that you take his concerns and words seriously.

9.      I recommend connecting him with a support group of kiddos in similar situations so he feels less alone in his medical battle (there are great parent/family support groups too!).

10.   You may also want your son assessed by a mental health professional so that they can support him and determine what he may need to be better supported during this difficult time.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. This is very scary for a parent and I’m glad you had the courage to ask the question. When in doubt, always reach out to a professional to assist and determine what steps to take next. 988 is a crisis line that is always available and they are there to help. May you be filled with courage and grace to navigate these difficult moments.